I’ve read your story – how things have changed the world and faith could live a life. I could say that faith does not depend on the things that we do have or experience but on the things that we do not have nor experience.
At a young age, I used to attend mass and listen to the words of the gospel together with my parents. As we enter the doors of the church, the first image that welcomes us is Jesus’. I wonder who is God because the presence of Jesus’ image is only what I can see at the altar. Until they have explained it to me. They told me that he can’t be seen yet He is our Father. “He should be feared,” they added. I followed what they said. My faith for Him was then established.
A young man like me is not aware of how things around me are going – if it is good or bad. But then, as time passes by, as my age continues to increase, I would view the world on its other side and worse, it sometimes came to a point that I will question my faith. Do you know why? It is because I suffer, I suffer from pains, nightmares and judgments that life brings to me.
Like you Job, like other people, I also suffer. I suffer from many things which I think I don’t deserved to. It is okay for me if material things are the reasons why I suffer but my heart would fell and break when this pain was brought to me by people, worse, my friends. Way back then, years ago, I once suffered when a group of people teased me because of who I am. I accepted every word that leaves a wound into my heart. Just because of my pair of legs. They tease me because my pair of legs is described as ‘sakang’. Every step that I make, I could hear either a gossip or laughter. They would even tell me to walk faster and walk ahead of them for the latter to observe the way I walk. Then, they would ask me why. Yes, this piece of joke could hurt me. I know to myself that I’m being nice to everyone. I give respect because I know I could also earn it. But then, they are being selfish on the respect that they couldn’t give me even a bit. I accept everything because I know that these things would make me stronger. Having a ‘different’ pair of leg will set me different from other people.
I also suffer from the feeling of losing someone. Just this year, a week before our Entablado: A Showcase of Talent, someone who’s important left the world of reality. My aunt ended her sufferings – leaving the pain that an illness brought to her life. At that point, I told myself that I must be strong for my other relatives. I witnessed the tears and growls as she bid her last goodbye to us, her family. I really felt sorry when I heard that her children keep on shouting ‘Ma, ‘wag mo kami iwan, Ma’. This point in my life made me suffer because I really hate seeing people crying. Our sufferings didn’t end there. This year, just a week before going back to Pisay, my uncle went to our house to tell us on what happened to my grandfather. Yes, after almost three months of mourning, another significant person left us. Papa O, as we call him, left us with regrets. My father’s side’s family experienced conflicts before because of the wrong decisions that our Lolo had made. Wrath stole the purity of their hearts thus hating my grandfather on what he did. My grandfather’s children hated him. When his last day already came into reality, I felt really sad. I have never had a quality time talking with him unlike what my other siblings have experienced. The last time I’ve heard his voice was many years ago and I do not have an idea that it would be the last. I regret the days that have past because I never grabbed an opportunity on showing him the love that I could give. Yes, I really love him not because I am only saying this because he already left us but because I know that he loved us more than what we are expecting. Lastly, I regret on not visiting him before he totally left us. I suffered the feeling of losing people and I could say that it is really hard.
These nightmares changed me into someone who is not me. My faith to my dear Lord was tested but these circumstances would never be the reason of making me not believing Him. Nothing could destroy my faith because this serves as the foundation of my life. I have never shown to the people that I am weak because these struggles are the reason why I am living. It is part of humanity – sufferings are a part of our lives.
So my dearest friend, faith could not be measured. It resides inside our heart and only you could find it. There is always faith, it would never be absent. Never give up, Job.